Flashback
by muchasfandomas
Summary: "Sam, what if we try this again?" She took all of his strength, his power, his pride. She was taking it all again, and he had nothing else to loose.
1. Cuts and Slices

"Carly, that's awesome! Congrats!" Freddie Bensen stood in his three-room apartment, phone shoved between his head and shoulder, chopping vegetables that were tasteless and dull, not to mention unheard of. He often found himself amazed at how much his life had changed in the past year and a half.

"Yeah, you'd really like him, Freddie. You're the second person that I've told."

"Oh." He couldn't keep himself from wondering about the person she told first.

"I can't get a hold of Sam…" Freddie felt his eyebrows naturally rise.

"Oh." It was all he could sum up into words at this point. Nothing else seemed to suit him right.

"That's all you have to say? Oh?" he rolled his eyes, pushing the edge of his knife further into his now browning foreign vegetable.

"Well what am I supposed to say? I'm in Chicago, you're in Seattle, we can't spend our time worrying about her."

"Freddie!"

"What?"

"I'm getting married and you don't think it's necessary for Sam to know?"

"When did I say that?"

"So if Sam's my bridesmaid, you won't come to my wedding?"

"I never said that! Of course I'd come, I'm not a kid for crying out loud!"

"Good, because we're all adults and we all deserve to respect each other after all these years of friendship."

"I know that."

He did know that. He just didn't know how he could respect someone who just _left _him. "Would you help me get a hold of her then?" Freddie gulped, holding a bowl under the counter top with one hand and scooping the chopped mixture with the next.

"No." he swung a fork from the edge of the counter and seated himself on the couch. Carly was silent for a while, and Freddie could have sworn that he heard some sniffling on the other end.

"Please. I know you guys went through a lot…"

"Carly, you don't know the half of it. I'm sorry but I promised myself I wouldn't be stuck in her shit ever again and that's one promise that I'm going to keep." Carly was silent again, but Freddie couldn't bring himself to feel any sympathy for her. She had no idea what he had to go through to get over Sam and he wasn't about to jeopardize his hard work all over again.

"I'm sorry. I have to go."

"Love you, Freddie."

"Love you, too. Bye." Freddie regretted to admit that he was relieved when he hung up on Carly. This was supposed to be a happy time in her life, and yet…

How could she expect him to be happy when she was achieving all of the things he would never have with Sam?


	2. Living in The Now

Sam Puckett watched wide-eyed as the colors on the ceiling seemed to blend, circle, take shape. She couldn't stop herself from laughing. Everything was just so _funny_. She liked things when they were funny. Things that were never funny never made her happy.

"Samantha, you're a grown woman and I don't understand why I have to continue to clean up your mess!" Melanie scolded, peering down at her sister from the other side of the bed. Sam snorted.

"Your voice is funny!" she decided it would be fun to poke her sister in the nose, and it was, so she started laughing all over again.

"Honestly, Sam, you're twenty-five years old! What happened? You finally started to get your life together and now you just—_sabotaged_ it!"

"Shut up! I wanna go to Vegas! Let's go to Vegas, Mel!" Melanie rolled her eyes and sat on the edge of the bed that her sister was laying on.

"No, we're not going to Vegas… we did that for your twenty-first and I am _not _spending that money again…"

"Booo, that was the past, this is _now_. Let's live in _the now_."

"Sam, that's your problem lately! Listen, if I—!" at that moment, Melanie's cell phone rang. She stepped away from the bed and pressed her phone to her ear.

"Hello, Carly?"

"Yeah, hi, Melanie. Have you gotten any leads on–?"

"Sam? Yes, I'm sorry I forgot to call. I've finally found her, well drunk into next year."

"Oh thank God! I mean, not that she's drunk… Gosh, Sam hasn't gotten drunk in _years_."

"Speak for yourself. She's been like this for the past month…"

"Month? Oh my God, Melanie! How could you let her get like that? And a MONTH? You don't call me for a MONTH to tell me that you have her?"

"Look, Carly, I lost track of things and I don't _let _her get drunk. It's very simple, I go to work, she escapes, what am I supposed to do?"

"Well will she be sober enough for me to speak to her tomorrow?"

"Look, I really don't know right now. I don't know what Freddie did to her but he sure has to pay for this!" Carly sighed.

"Freddie didn't do anything. Sam didn't do anything. I have no clue what's going on. I'm getting married, I want them both to be there, and it will surely be a disaster!"

"You're getting married to Michael? Congratulations!"

"Yeah, if only I could actually celebrate!" Melanie threw a disgusted look at her sister, who was now passed out cold on her bed. Melanie sighed.

"I don't know what to do. I'll just—I'll have her call you tomorrow, hopefully sober."

"_Hopefully_?"

"I'll try my best, I'll speak to you tomorrow, Carly!

"All right, bye."

Melanie looked over at her sister one last time and decided to pull out an extra blanket before turning out the lights.


	3. Distance

Sam sat at the edge of the bed, fingertips trembling, skin pale white. She didn't want to talk to Carly but Melanie had said it was extremely important. She couldn't turn down her friend when she needed her.

_Ring_. Sam's heart beat faster and faster. _Ring_. Maybe she shouldn't do this. _Ring_.

"Hello?"

"Hey Carls. Long time, no talk, huh?" Sam's voice was weak, but Carly probably figured it was a result of her hangover.

"Yeah! Where've you been?"

"Long story. I'm sorry I haven't been returning your calls."

"That's okay, if you've been busy." Sam gulped. The only things she was busy doing was partying and drinking her head off.

"So what's up?" Carly took a breath.

"Well, Michael proposed and I'm getting married." Silence.

"Oh. Great." Sam's heart beat faster.

"You don't sound very enthusiastic."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't like Michael?"

"No, that's not it. I just don't like… nevermind."

"What?"

"It's not important."

"Tell me."

"Marriage." Pause.

"What about it?"

"I don't like it."

"Oh… why not?"

"I don't know. But congrats." Carly felt the tears welling up. Sam was no longer the person she knew.

"Will you be my bridesmaid?" Silence. _One, two, three, four…_

"I don't know." Carly was about to break.

"Please. I miss you." _One, two, three, four…_

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yep."

"Thanks, Sam."

"Sure."

Sam really was just drunk. That _was _the only reason she hated hearing Carly's proclaimed "good news". At least that's what she told herself.


	4. Nebraska

_"C'mon, hurry!" Sam dragged Freddie by his hand, both of them laughing and almost slipping through the Nebraska snow. _

"_I got you, I got you!" Freddie kept repeating, though at times they had both slipped with onlookers wondering what these insane people were doing. They were adults and yet they were acting very much like children._

_ Freddie fumbled through his large winter coat pocket once they approached the door. Sam was bouncing on the heels of her toes, which made him snort and laugh. The one time he had taken her with him to film his new movie was the best time of his life. _

_ He opened the door eventually and Sam continued to drag him inside, closing the door behind her. Freddie took one look at her and saw how ruddy her nose was, how her cheeks were flushed. She was attempting to unzip her jacket at an incredibly fast speed, but she only ended up jamming her zipper midway. _

"_Shit! I hate this!"_

"_Let me do it." Freddie repeatedly tried pulling the zipper up and down, but was finally able to pull it once he had taken the form of gentle touch. Sam smiled at him triumphantly._

_ "Wow, I thought we were going to have to get blondie girl's security guard in here." Freddie snorted._

"_No, mere Freddie Bensen is enough to handle a zipper."_

"_Wow, what other zippers have you pulled? Do tell!" she raised her eyebrows at him suspiciously while she removed layers and layers of clothing, leaving them on the floor._

_ "You wanna know something?"_

"_Not until after you pick those up and put them where they belong."_

"_Yadee yadee yada. Anyway, I hate snow." Freddie rolled his eyes and picked up her articles of clothing himself, wiping the snow off of them as he did._

_ "I know." She laughed and he laughed with her. She did hate the snow whenever they went to New York, Boston, anywhere in the Northeast. But… Nebraska was different._

_ As soon as Freddie put both their winter outerwear on hangers and in closets, Sam stood at the doorway of the bedroom, raising her eyebrows at him. _

"_You really _are _such a neat freak." Freddie turned around to glare at her, and she found herself immediately turned on by Freddie's use of sarcastic authority. She flung herself at him, and he knew what was coming._

"_Gah, Sam!"_

"_Shut up! You know you like it!"_

"_Some things never change…" he moaned, but once he wrestled with her to get her in the position he wanted, everything seemed to fall into place. _

_ They both lay down facing each other on their sides, and Sam slipped her fingers through Freddie's. _

"_You're such a nub. You make me like this stupid snow." Freddie wiped wisps of Sam's hair out of her face and kissed the top of her cold forehead. _

"_We went to cold places before and you never liked the snow there either."_

"_Yeah, well we were never alone. You know, I remember when I could have killed you if we were alone together."_

"_So I shouldn't be surprised if I don't wake up tomorrow morning and they find a pillow over my head, should I?" Sam hit him hard in the arm, to which he hardly groaned. He had been building up his body muscle for the past couple of years, and it was working for him quite well._

_ "Shut up. I love you now." _

"_Thanks. I love you, too." He smiled at her and she kissed him with all her might. _

_It might sound strange, but that was the night he decided that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. _

Looking back, Sam might have not felt the same.


	5. Relentless and Determined

Freddie walked down the narrow halls of the office, checking the editors and writers in their cubicles. Freddie raised his eyebrows when he noticed Kayla writing a story on "Toxic Bosses: Do They Interfere with Health, Sex, and Everything Else?"

"I'd just _love _to know how I'm interfering with your sex life. Or your health, for that matter." Kayla wiggled around in her chair to face Freddie and glare at him. She was a young, spunky intern who wasn't afraid to speak her mind, and that was something Freddie only half admired.

"No time for my boyfriend, I'm earning minimum wage here when I'm writing even better cover stories than the douchebags you have writing for you so I only have money for bags of Doritos. I think I should really title this article 'How to Tell if Your Boss Isn't Getting Any'. What do you think?" Freddie huffed.

"You want to know what I'm not getting any of?"

"I _do_ know. You haven't gotten laid in a very long time. Well guess what? Neither have I! I'm actually so horny right now that I would _consider_—!"

"That's enough! You want to know why you're earning minimum wage? Because _you _opted to take an internship that didn't have to pay you at _all_ and because _you _try to get deep and personal into our lives, which is unprofessional and uncalled for!"

"I'm just being a great writer. Got to dig up the dirt where you can get it, right?" Freddie was just about to give a retort when his secretary, Lara Fielder, came running after him.

"Mr. Bensen, Carly Shay is on the phone. She'd like to speak to you." Freddie sighed, glanced at Kayla, and picked up the phone from Kayla's own cubicle. He didn't feel like walking all the way back to his office.

"Yes, Carly?"

"I found Sam! Well, more like Melanie found Sam… she's in Arizona."

"What?"

"Yeah, apparently she was looking for Melanie, but Melanie found her. It's really bad, Freddie! Apparently she's been getting drunk constantly and…"

"I'm sorry Carly, but I don't really care."

"Yes you do! You can't just drop Sam like that!"

"Oh, you mean like the way she dropped me? Oh no! Why ever would I do that, Carly? Why?"

"Stop your whining for a sec. There's a beeping on the other end and—it's Sam! Freddie, I'm sorry, I'm going to have to call you back later!"

"Boohoo. I'm in tears. Bye, Carly." And so he hung up, his heart hammering and slowing at the same time.

He _had _been worried about Sam, but he wasn't about to admit it. If Carly ever told Sam how concerned he was, after all that she put him through, he'd be done for.

Kayla stared at him wide-eyed. "Woah, who was that all about?" Freddie felt his neck tighten and his throat dry.

"You want a story? I'll give you one." Kayla grinned.

"Hold on, I'll get my tape recorder!" Kayla ran out of her cubicle, prancing like a child. Freddie had had it. He was going to expose everything, relentless and determined.


	6. When Stubborn Meets Stubborn

"Carly, I'm so sorry about yesterday! I was sick, I had a headache, I didn't know what I was saying! I'm so sorry, of course I would love to be your bridesmaid and of course I'm happy for you!"

"Sam, calm down! It's okay, it's just good to hear from you."

Sam inhaled and exhaled a large breath. She couldn't remember talking to Carly like this.

"I'll do anything to make this up to you." Carly sat in silence, contemplating on what to ask of her.

"Come to Seattle for the next couple of months. You can stay with me and I'll help you get out of this mess."

Sam groaned. "The whole reason I left Seattle was so that I didn't have to face anybody in that stupid town."

"Freddie's not here, Sam. He's in Chicago." Carly huffed, and Sam felt a knot rise in her stomach. She hadn't heard that name for the past year. It angered her to know that the wound was still there.

"Wow. Not who I was referring to but okay."

"Well then who else, Sam? Who else were you avoiding?" beat.

"You."

"Me? Why?"

"Because if I stayed in Seattle, you would have spent your time trying to fix something that can't be fixed and taking his side."

"That's the thing! I don't know his side, I don't know your side, and I don't have either of you! This sucks, Sam!"

Wow. Did that mean Freddie didn't tell Carly _anything_?

"I didn't mean to hurt you, Carls. It was just a really hard time." Carly sighed.

"I know, but I can't help you if you don't let me in."

"I don't need help. I'm done."

"Done? With what?"

"I'm just done, okay? Look, I'll come to Seattle, we'll spend some flippin' quality time with each other and I won't promise I'll like it but I'll try. Take it or leave it Carls."

Carly groaned. "All right. I'll take it, and I guess I'll have to pay for your airfare, too."

"Oh, no you won't. Believe me, Melanie's so sick of me she'll get me a coach seat." Carly couldn't help but laugh. At least some remnants of the friend she once knew remained.

"So Sam, where've you been?" Sam snorted. She didn't remember half of where she had been.

"Here and there, living up the lifestyle of sex, drugs, and rock 'n' roll." When Carly gasped, Sam caved.

"All right. I lied about two out of the three things… unless you consider alcohol a drug, which you probably do."

"Oh, Sam!"

"Yep, you do."  
"When you come to Seattle, we are having a nice long talk about how to be an appropriate adult." Sam snorted.

"Yeah, okay. Maybe you should have that conversation with Spencer." Carly simply sighed and didn't respond.

She was on her way to getting her best friend back.

"So what's the nub doing in Chicago?" it's not like she still cared about him. She was just curious.

"Oh, well now he's the publisher for the Chicago Sun-Times."

"What? No way, what happened to Mr. Producer?"

"I don't know. I asked him about it and he just said he couldn't stand filming anymore."

_Huh. The stupid kid must have a pattern for hating things he claims to love._

"And he doesn't hate publishing at all?"

"Oh, he does. It's just—I don't know. I talk to him almost every day and I'm as lost with him as you are."

Sam found herself conflicted by the idea of Freddie hating where he was. She wanted to laugh, to feel joy and triumph in his suffering, but she just couldn't bring herself to feel any of those things.

"Well that's what he gets. He can't compromise for anything and eventually it bites him in the ass."

Sam knew more than anyone else that this statement was more true for her than it was for him.


	7. Thanksgiving

_The airplane was long, the airport was long, and now the drive to that damn woman's house was long. If she didn't love him, she wouldn't have been this patient._

"_Sam, can you stop your bitching? One day, that's all I ask." Sam sighed, pulling her knees to her chest like a child._

"_I'm not even doing anything. I've been good, haven't I?" _

"_I can see through your mind, remember? You've been cursing my mom out for the past eight hours." She took a side-glance at Freddie to find him smirking at her. He wasn't mad._

"_Yeah, well it's better if I get it all out now, right?"_

"_No, because then I'm the one who has to deal with it."_

"_You'd have to deal with it anyway if I cursed her out right at the dinner table." _

"_We both know you're gonna do it anyway."_

"_Then why are you complaining about my bitching if you know it's inevitable?"_

"_Because you're not trying hard enough." Sam huffed. She didn't know what else to do, or what else to _not say_, to try to make him happy. _

_ "Excuse me, sir?" Sam approached, her eyebrows raised. Freddie broke._

"_Yes, madam?" Sam held her breath for a second. At that moment, she wanted to tell him that if he ever called her madam again, she would have to break every single bone in his body. But she needed information from him. She couldn't ruin it by threatening him. _

"_May I ask what is the time we will approach our damnation – woah, excuse me – I mean _destination_." Freddie rolled his eyes._

_ "An hour and some change." Sam smiled. Twelve hours of their unrewarding trip had gone behind them. Sam sighed._

"_So what's Mama Crazy cooking up? Do not tell me we're going to end up eating tofu surprise again." Freddie grimaced, but said nothing. Sam squinted in suspicion. _

"_Bensen, I am going to rip you limb from limb if I end up stuffing that puke down my throat again!"_

"_Well what do you want me to do, Sam? It's not like we can spend Thanksgiving anywhere else!"_

"_Um, you've got a house with a kitchen, a dining room and, oh yeah, a Boston Market down the street! Don't try to tell me that your crazy nut of a mother is a better bet!"_

"_Sam?"_

"_What?"_

"_Shut up please." Sam shot a glare at him, her stomach rumbling from being starved for six straight hours._

_ "If I don't get some good food in me, you're gonna hear it."_

"_Right. Because I haven't heard enough already."_

"_Hey Freddie?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Shut your pie hole." Freddie sighed in frustration and continued to keep his eyes straight on the road. Sam pulled her knees closer to her chest._

_ "At least I said please." Freddie mumbled. Sam tried to contain herself, but a small giggle escaped and betrayed her. Freddie smiled. _

_ Sam had a feeling this was not going to be a great Thanksgiving, but they never were, but that was all right. She'd do ten thousand of them if she had to just to be with him._

_ Sam dug angrily into her tofu-turkey-whatever that Mrs. Bensen had attempted to make. She didn't dare comment, nor did she dare to lift her head from her plate._

_Mrs. Bensen slammed the tofu-mash on the table. _

"_Well Freddie, it's nice to have _you _here. I see you've brought… _her_… again." Freddie rolled his eyes and Sam smirked._

"_Yeah, it's a real party seeing you too, Mrs. Bensen." Freddie shot her a quick look, but Sam shrugged. She had already grown tired of keeping quiet._

_ "You know, my therapist has this beautiful daughter. She eats well… very well… maybe you should be around somebody like _that._" Mrs. Bensen shot a furious glance at Sam. Freddie groaned._

"_Mom, stop! Can't we talk about something else?" Mrs. Bensen gasped._

"_Well I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to offend _YOU!" _she shouted across the table. She was obviously trying to offend Sam, and apparently she had, because Sam had already stood up, ready for a fight._

_ "Hey lady, shove that tofu puke down your throat before I shove it for you!"_

"_Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"_

"_No, mam. I'm too busy putting my mouth all over your son's and you can't do anything about it. How do you like them apples?"_

_Freddie slapped his hand to his forehead. Why had he not expected this to go so wrong so fast?_

_ Mrs. Bensen gasped, clutching her hand to her heart and pointing a bony finger to Freddie._

"_There is no way that I am letting you have _my grandchildren _with _THAT!"

"_Who said I want your psycho grandkids? I hate children and I'd hate them even more if they were related to you!"_

"_Fine! Go and live in sin but not with my son!"_

"_I'll get you a cat! Will you feel better? Will you leave me alone?"_

"_I swear if you ever—!"_

"_I'll wrap it in a Christmas bow, don't worry, just so that you can't loose it I'll get a chain that says 'PROPERTY OF PSYCHO CAT LADY'_, _home address 1212 CRAZY STREET'—!"_

_ Freddie didn't know what to do but simply sit in silence. Every year, he thought that it would be different. And every year, he was wrong._

_ "I knew your mom had to be hiding something," Sam said as she sprayed some whipped cream into her mouth, "She couldn't survive her 'diet' forever."_

"_It's sugar free." Freddie stated bitterly. Sam sighed and threw the can aside._

"_Okay, what's wrong?" Freddie snorted._

"_You know what, Sam? I've been waiting for things to change, and I'm just starting to realize that they never will." Sam felt her heart sink. She really thought that this Thanksgiving was one of the better ones._

"_I'll return the whipped cream if you want." Freddie said nothing. "Fine, I'll send her a new one."_

_ "This has nothing to do with the whipped cream! You steal stuff from my mom all the time." Sam sighed._

"_Then what's your problem?"_

"_What are we doing, Sam? Are you taking me for a ride? Is this fun for you?" Sam's stomach plummeted anymore. She saw where he was going…_

"_What do you mean?" Freddie huffed and pulled over to the curb. She knew he meant business. _

_ "You know exactly what I mean! What are we doing? You see, I thought we were working towards something, but I've been waiting for the past year for you to come around and you haven't changed." Sam gulped._

"_You said you'd wait when I was ready."_

"_Well are you ever going to be ready for anything that qualifies you as an adult? Because let's see, you don't want to marry me, you don't want to have my kids…"_

"_Dude, come on! This is totally unfair!"_

"_You're right! It is unfair because I'm tired of giving up everything for you when you can't even give me one holiday! Do you even love me?" _

_ "Dude! Why are you being such a girl?" Freddie waited for an actual reply. He found himself biting the side of his jaw. Sam was crying furiously. She didn't feel like she could stop. "Of course I love you, dipshit! But if you really loved me, you would be fine with having just me! You wouldn't need all of that other security bullshit!"_

"_Bullshit? You want to know what's bullshit? Pretending you love someone when you only want the option of having them forever, not actually committing to it!" _

"_It didn't work for my mom and it didn't work for yours! Why the hell do you want this so much? I've given you enough, haven't I? I gave you everything I have!" Freddie laughed harshly._

"_Yeah, everything except the one thing that I want. The one thing in this whole world that I've asked of you."_

_ Sam attempted to wipe her tears, but it was impossible. This was the worst it had ever been._

"_How much longer, Sam?" he asked, his jaw set, his eyes empty. _

"_I don't know." She whispered. Freddie, looking as if he was about to vomit, took control of the wheel and drove the both of them away._

And this was the memory that remained in Sam's mind whenever she wanted to get over the pain of losing him.

It never worked.


	8. Can't Keep Loving You

***A/N: I'm sorry this has taken so long! **

This was the first time in a long time that Sam Puckett didn't feel alone. Yet, at the moment, she was entirely alone. But she was alone in one place, at one time, and she was conscious of her surroundings. She couldn't remember the last time she felt that way.

She grumbled to her feet and opened her friend's refrigerator to find some glorious ham. Oh, how her friend knew her well! She couldn't remember the last time someone had bought her ham.

Actually, she did. She just chose not to remember.

Sam set the ham on the table and took a large fork from the countertop. She dug her fork right into its gut and decided to make a meal out of fun: ham on a stick. She couldn't remember the last time she did that.

Oh wait. She remembered that, too. She just chose not to.

And then the phone rang. She smiled to herself, awaiting the wonderful friend who had bought her that glorious ham. She couldn't remember the last time she heard a phone ring just for her… in a house… one solitary place.

That used to happen every day, but nobody chose to care about her anymore. No one except Spencer… but what would Carly think if Spencer was the only person in the whole entire world that she deliberately planned to speak to on the phone for the past eight months, when the rest of the world was mystified by her disappearance? She couldn't possibly understand Spencer's ability to be there for her in her time of need, the only "big-brother" figure she ever had in her entire life. Carly probably wouldn't be able to fathom that.

"Hello?" pause.

"Carly?" she knew that voice.

Her pulse quickened, her sense of solitary peace started to fade. She felt incredibly nauseus, as if her whole world was collapsing in front of her. Her throat was closing. Even if she tried to speak, which she wouldn't, she couldn't be able to.

"Look, I know we haven't spoken in a while, but I promise I'm really sorry, Carly. It's just—I mean, God, I really _hate_ this job! I mean, I hate it, and every day I have to listen to you talk about how much better she's getting, or how much worse she's getting, and it just—it doesn't feel right, hearing you talk about her that way. I'm trying to move on with my life. I'm trying to be a man and suck it all up, and you just made it extremely difficult for me to do that. I'm sorry. I've lost one half of me already and I don't want to loose another chunk, so please forgive me for being such an ass."

Huh. Was that why Carly hadn't spoken to Freddie in the past couple of months? Was it because of _her_—Sam—being there? Sam felt her muscles twitch. She couldn't possibly be more light-headed than she already was. But she couldn't love him anymore. She couldn't go back to this. She just started to get happy again.

And what—did Carly talk about her getting _worse_? She didn't think she was getting any worse. Sure, there were some days through which she forced a smile or two, when she contemplated her life and saw that it was going nowhere, but she had moved past that. She had fun with Carly, and now she was just counting down the days for her to be reminded again of everything that she could never get over.

"Carly's not here. She died." Sam stated, simply and quickly, and hung up the phone.

If she couldn't love him, she just had to try harder to hate him, didn't she?


	9. Figment of Imagination

Freddie hung up the receiver in complete shock. His hands were shaking, his heart was racing. That _was _her. He knew it. No one else could ever be as rude as she was. But what was she doing in Carly's apartment?

All that Carly had talked about was how she had kept a close watch on Sam, but now he wasn't sure of how close that watch was.

He felt a growl sputter from his stomach and into his mouth, rushing to grab his cell phone and dial for some information.

"Freddie! You called, are you ready to talk?" Freddie snorted.

"Oh yeah. I'm ready to talk. I want you to tell me who's in your apartment, and I don't want you to lie to me." pause.

"Oh."

"Oh? What are you doing with her, Carly? Babysitting her? Examining her? What?"

"Freddie, shut up! She hadn't been eating, or sleeping, or—did I forget to mention eating? She wasn't Sam, and I had to do something but if you knew about it, you would have had a bigger bitch fit than what you already gave me!" Freddie paused, a bit taken aback.

"Did you just call me a bitch?" Carly huffed.

"I should have. I'm sorry, it's just—all right, she's been with me for the past five months. Who told you?" Freddie grimaced.

"The Princess herself."

"So you guys talked?"

"No. I basically apologized to you for acting up about her, and she told me that you were deceased."

"Deceased?"

"Dead."

"I know what deceased means! I just wish you guys would really talk this all out _before _my wedding."

"There's nothing to talk out. She hates me, I hate her, and we're fine."

"No! It's not fine! I don't know what to do with you two anymore! Apparently I can't stay friends with both of you this way!"

"You can, just not the way you're doing it! Just stop giving me updates." He could hear Carly whimpering from the other end.

"But…"

"You can argue with me if you and Michael ever get divorced. Until then, you have no idea what you're talking about." Carly huffed.

"A month. Do you both think that's enough time for you two to be civil?"

"If by civil, you help us avoid each other, then yes." Carly groaned.

"Yeah, not what I meant but I guess we'll see how it goes." Freddie hung up at that point.

He could feel his heart pulsing out of his chest. It hadn't stopped plummeting since he heard that first word. If only it had been a figment of his imagination, as he originally thought.


	10. An Awkward Memory

_ "You told me you'd do it! My twenty-first and we'd both do it, that was our deal!" Freddie looked from the Jack Daniel's in front of him, untouched, to his angry girlfriend. He didn't want to keep her angry for long. It was her birthday, for crying out loud, but he wasn't sure if their so-called "deal" was the best for them at the moment._

"_I don't know, Sam. I'll tell you what. You drink, and I'll be able to drive you home, nice- nice, no harm done." Freddie smiled at her, hoping he would please her. He didn't._

_ "No. We made a pledge that we'd do everything together, thick and thin, did we not?" Freddie huffed._

"_That wasn't the best idea. Come on, Sam, think about it! The both of us screwed up together is bound for disaster! Bound!"_

"_So we'll end up in a disaster together! Come on!" Freddie looked back down at his drink. He huffed._

_ "Can't we start off easy?"_

"_Stop being such a prancy, Prudy Judy. Suck it up and drink it all up." Freddie groaned and held up his glass. Sam held up hers, too, and winked. _

"_Count of three, ready? One, two, three!" they both downed their drinks, Sam laughing as she did so and Freddie almost gagging. Once he finished, he looked at her, his eyes wide and scolded._

_ "That was horrible! Can't we put some coke in it to drag it down a little?" Sam laughed._

"_That won't help you too much! Hey, Gordy, give us another shot!" A big, husky man whom her mother used to date winked at Sam and grabbed both their glasses to pour some more Jack. Sam raised her eyebrows at Freddie and smiled._

"_Thank you!" she whispered into his ear. _

"_The things I do for you…" Freddie raised his newly filled glass to Sam as he attempted to down it all in one shot._

_ "I can't believe you two! You're completely drunk out of your minds!" Carly scolded from the driver's seat as Freddie and Sam laughed endlessly behind her._

"_I mean, you did the right thing by calling me, but this is no way to enjoy your birthday, Sam! And Freddie, I would have expected more of you!"_

"_Ah, shut your mouth! It's the big two-one!" Freddie shouted as if they were on a mountaintop instead of in a small Beetle. Sam laughed._

"_A year of fun, and fun, and fun, and fun…" _

"_Shut up! I have to drive you two home!"_

"_Take me to Freddie's house, Carls." Carly's jaw dropped as she shook her head profusely._

_ "No, no, no. I will not let you two get into shenanigans that you will regret tomorrow morning!" both Freddie and Sam snorted._

"_Shenanigans… you mean sex…" _

"_Yes, I do." _

_ Sam turned with wide-eyes to face Freddie, pulling his face close to hers._

"_Hey Freddie?" Freddie giggled. Then again, he never really stopped._

"_Yes, Sam?"_

"_I want to have shenanigans!"_

"_What a coincidence! Me, too!"_

_ And then Sam and Freddie started to have a descriptive discussion about all the shenanigans they wanted to get themselves into._

"_Ugh! Stop it, stop it, stop it!" Carly shouted. At this point, she was ready to drive them off a cliff._

_ Freddie raised his eyebrows. "Want to join?" _

_At that point, Sam punched Freddie hard on the side of his head. So hard, in fact, that she completely knocked him out. _

_ Carly looked from her rearview mirror at her friend who was now completely silent with his eyes completely closed._

_None of them ever recovered from the awkwardness of that night. Needless to say Sam and Freddie never entered a single bar together ever again. _


	11. Icing and Nutshells

So there was Fredward Bensen, sitting in a place he never thought he'd find himself in again. One month. That was all he had left to deal with the fact that he was going to see the one person he hated more than anyone in this world sooner than later.

"Hit me up again, Gord." Freddie ordered, his voice droning.

"Wow, that's only your third hit and you're already tipsy? You're worse than I thought." He was surprised when the voice did not come from Gordy, but rather a female whom he grudgingly recognized. He groaned.

"Don't you have a paper to work on?" he raised his eyebrows at his young employee.

Kayla frowned. "I would, but my boyfriend kicked me out of his apartment. Apparently, I'm not good enough for him now that all my time's spent on my work, so thanks." She smirked at Freddie, who frowned and shook his head.

"Sorry."

"Nah, it's all right actually. He kicks me out quite often nowadays, but at times my car is much more comfortable than his bed." There was bitterness in her voice, aside from the bitterness that she reserved for Freddie at work, and when she realized this, she swallowed hard and ordered a drink for herself. Freddie continued to stare at her.

"Your car? You live in your car?" Kayla rolled her eyes.

"When he doesn't want to have me. But that's what you get for having sex with one guy your whole life. He treats you like crap and throws you out of his apartment, and there's nothing you could do about it because otherwise you're a worthless whore."

Kayla swallowed a large amount of a Bloody Mary before she set the glass down.

"You're not a worthless whore. Are you kidding me? You're one of the most independent people I know." Kayla shook her head and drank some more as Freddie pushed his one drink back to Gordy.

"I just—I don't know. Maybe I'm just a loser. I guess it's pretty bad when you're twenty-one years old and you've only had one guy, right?" Freddie took a breath.

"I'm twenty-six and I—I haven't been with anybody since my last girlfriend… she was the only person I had ever really been with." Kayla snorted, then turned to face Freddie.

"I'm sorry, I'm not laughing at you. It's just—I thought you were so much older, you always seem to have a stick up your ass." Freddie grimaced.

"Yeah, well she stuck it up there." Kayla raised her eyebrows.

"The one I'm writing this story about?" Freddie nodded. "You know, you're only giving me the icing, but I want the whole cake. What really happened? What made big guy producer turn to publishing? I really need to know this stuff if you want me to bring her down right." Freddie raised his eyebrows.

"Is this why you followed me? To get the scoop for your story?" Kayla started to blush.

"No. I just _happened _to be here since I have nowhere else to go, and you just happened to be here, too. And you seemed pretty pissed off so I figured I'd… have some well deserved company." Freddie laughed, looking into her light blue eyes. They reminded him of someone.

"Well, great. We're both screwed and pissed, so why not get a story about it?" Kayla smiled. "What was her name?" Freddie gulped. He hadn't really spoken it since she left.

"Sam." Like fire in his throat, burning him slowly.

"How'd you guys meet?" Freddie felt his mouth go dry. He didn't like this.

"We met when we were kids. We both had this mutual friend, Carly. I met Sam, and she kicked me in the groin and stole my peanut butter cookies." Freddie used to laugh at the memory. Now it only stung.

"Let me guess. Kindergarten?"

"Sixth grade." Kayla snorted. Freddie still didn't like this.

"Sounds like a girl I'd get along with." Freddie glared.

"No. You'd probably be some tough competition for her… in a criminal activity, shoving me around kind of way." Kayla laughed and blushed.

"Oh, of course. So she stole your peanut-butter cookies, you were in love…"

"It wasn't really like that." Freddie admitted. Kayla's eyes urged him to go on. "She stole my peanut-butter cookies, _she _was in love, and she showed that love by attacking me profusely. I felt nothing but strong loathing for her until we reached high school."

"Then you got all of your angsty feelings out of the way and made out?" Freddie actually laughed. "Yeah, that's kind of what happened in a nutshell."

"That's the thing. You're giving me the nutshells. I want the whole package, including the nut." Freddie rolled his eyes.

"Coming up with all these stupid metaphors doesn't make you a good writer." Kayla waited for him to go on. Freddie nodded.

"We did this web show together…"

"Really?"

"It was called iCarly and…" Kayla's eyes widened as she almost fell off of her seat.

"No way! No friggin way!"

"What?"

"I used to watch iCarly! Damn, it's all coming together now! Freddie! You were Freddie, the Tech-boy!" Freddie coughed and raised his eyebrows.

"Producer. I was their producer."

"Sam Puckett! You're talking about Sam Puckett! _She_ was your girlfriend, wasn't she? She was my idol!"

"Hm, who would have thunk it?"

"No but seriously, it's all making perfect sense now! No wonder I love to pick on you! No wonder I find you attractive!"

"All right, all right but—but what?" Freddie stopped, smirking and raising one eyebrow. Kayla gasped and grabbed her drink.

"I said nothing, and you irritate me." She tried to down as much as she could in one gulp. Freddie sat there, smirking. He couldn't believe how smug he felt. She was still a college student, for crying out loud!

"You find me sexy, don't you?" Freddie asked in a taunt. Maybe those three hits of the same martini really didn't do him too well.

"Shut up before I hit you. I don't deserve to get fired for this, okay?" Freddie's smirk disintegrated into a smile.

"I'm joking. I'm sorry, I got a little carried away. I guess I'm just… lonely." It was the first time he actually admitted it to himself. Kayla spun her glass around with one finger.

"Yeah, well me too." Freddie frowned at her.

"Don't sleep in your car. Come to my place tonight." Kayla looked up at him, water in her eyes.

"You're a really nice man. I'm sorry I've been bitchy, I just kind of hate that about you. It sucks… when you have to face everything you can't have every day of your life." Freddie swallowed hard.

"You're too hard on yourself. You can have a nice guy, you just gotta dump the bad one first."

Kayla looked at her feet, then back at Freddie. "Do you think we can get a little drunk first? We can call us a cab and everything, it's just—I came here not to feel anything and you're kind of making me depressed." Freddie smiled and nodded.

"Sure. Not a problem."


	12. Done

Carly came busting into her apartment to find Sam conked out on the couch, surrounded by Nacho crisps all over the floor. Carly huffed and rushed over to Sam, pushing her shoulder roughly.

"Ah! What do you want?"

"I want to know why you told Freddie I was dead!" Sam's eyes immediately opened as she sat upright, shoving Carly away from her. She glared at her friend.

"Yeah, and maybe I want to know why you're talking to him about me? I'm none of his business anymore, and he's none of mine!"

Carly rushed over to the refrigerator and grabbed an apple for herself, taking a large bite that filled her mouth completely. Sam rolled her eyes.

"Don't eat when I'm talking to you! You know it's not gonna work on me, Carls. Look, I'm really happy that you took me in and everything, but please don't go telling the entire world about _how I'm doing_! And just so you know, I'm doing just fine." Carly put up a single finger to Sam while she continued to chew. Sam waited a good thirty seconds.

"I didn't tell the entire world, I just told him." Carly stated, bitterly but softly. Sam jumped up from the couch to meet Carly where she stood. Her eyes were red and desperate. "Why? What would possess you to tell him stuff like that?"

"Because neither of you want to admit it, but he still loves you and you still love him." Sam swallowed hard and rolled her eyes.

"I knew this would happen. Didn't I say this? Didn't I say you would try to fix something that can't be fixed?"

"But I'm not doing it for me! That's what you two don't understand! I'm doing this for _you_! Neither of you are happy this way!"

"But I'm _trying _to be happy and hearing him talk about me like that—that didn't help at all! You don't know what it's like to love somebody, to be a part of somebody, and then just have them tear themselves away from you!"

"So then help me understand! What could have been that bad?" Sam drew two ragged breaths, her face reddening.

"You want to know? Fine. He says he loves me, he sleeps with me, I see him every day of my life, and then he asks me to marry him. He asks me to do the one thing that we've both only seen to fail. I'm twenty-three years old, I want to see our relationship actually live and survive, so I tell him no. I'm not into it. No marriage for me. He says he's fine with it. Heck, he _promises! _That is, until he gets so angry with me that he starts to hate me, so angry that he doesn't want to touch me anymore, so angry that he doesn't want to look at me, all for something he said he'd wait for. All for something he promised he was fine with. So that's the story, that's why I ran faster than Jack the Rabbit. I couldn't stand loving somebody who hated me so much."

Carly was silent for a while, her eyes reddening at the sight of her friend's discomfort. She never mentioned Freddie proposing, nor did Freddie mention him planning to do so. Carly coughed slightly, almost to approach the silence. Tears slipped down Sam's cheeks, and she tried to wipe them quickly before Carly could see.

"So maybe you're right. Let's say I do still love him. But I'm done. I'm done, letting myself hurt over an insecure little boy who goes back on his word. I'm done, fantasizing that he comes back and apologizes, says that he loves me, says he doesn't need anything _but_ me. But that'll never happen because he's a sad little boy. A sad—_stupid _little boy!"

Sam started to choke on her tears, and Carly patted her on the back.

"And I tried! I tried _so _hard to make him happy, and when I couldn't make him happy, when I left, I tried to make myself happy and I can't be happy! So now I'm just forgetting, erasing everything from my mind because I don't want to remember that stupid bastard!" Sam shrieked even louder, but Carly bit her tongue. If she wanted to have both of them at this point, she had to bite her tongue.

And she also knew that there were two sides to every story. She knew that somewhere across the country, Freddie was feeling the exact same way.


	13. Issues

The sun seeped in through Freddie's window, blinding him from behind his eyelids. Boy, did he have a headache. He looked beside him to see Kayla still sound asleep. Huh. That was something different.

He stepped to the side of the bed and threw a t-shirt and some jeans on before walking into the kitchen. What do you do the morning after you're with someone who you don't have any real feelings for? Small talk, some pancakes? Freddie had no idea, but at the same time, he didn't want to be rude. He opened his refrigerator to find fruit, fruit, and more fruit. Did Kayla even _like _fruit? Sam always hated fruit. Then again, Kayla wasn't Sam. No matter how hard she tried, she could never be Sam. Freddie sighed and set two apples, two pears, and two bananas on the kitchen counter. He would probably just wait for her to wake up.

Guilt coursed through his entire body at the moment. He had just taken advantage of a vulnerable young woman who had only slept with one crappy boyfriend her entire life. At least Freddie had good memories to look back to—as much as he hated to admit it—but when he woke up next to Sam, he knew he loved her and he knew who he was. It made him sad that Kayla never had that experience.

Kayla soon emerged into the kitchen, wearing one of his t-shirts and some boxers. She simply pulled out a chair and sat in front of the counter without a word, drumming her fingers on the countertop.

"I thought maybe you left." She finally said, managing to look at Freddie in the eyes. Freddie smiled. "No, I'm still here. I don't have anything breakfast-like, persay, so here are some assorted fruits. I'm sorry, I don't know if you like fruit. Do you like fruit?" Kayla laughed softly.

"Yes, I like fruit. Thank you." Freddie nodded. This was the most vulnerable he had ever seen her. Her hands shook as she bit into the apple.

"I'm sorry." Freddie said softly as Kayla raised her blue eyes to meet him.

"Are you really? I'm sorry… I guess I'm just used to being a little rough…"

"No, no! I'm not sorry for _you_. You were—you were great. I'm just sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

"No, you didn't. You were very… different. You were nice."

Freddie blushed, feeling awful for what he had gotten her into. He couldn't be in a relationship with her. He wasn't up for any kind of relationship.

"I'm sorry, Kayla, but we can't… we can't do this again." Kayla frowned.

"But why not? You would never hurt me. You made me feel okay for once."

"And I'm sorry for that. I just can't have a relationship, especially with an intern." She raised her eyebrows.

"So that's all I am? An intern?"

"No, that's not what I'm saying! You can just—you can find somebody else who's nice to you, someone who actually loves you." Kayla swallowed and blinked, her eyes filled with water.

"Thanks, I guess." Freddie frowned. He didn't know what to say.

"By the way, your ex-girlfriend? You said it was _her _that had the commitment issues, did you?" Freddie swallowed.

"Yes, she did."

"Well did you ever think it was you?" Kayla asked, bitterness in her voice. Freddie sighed.

"Yes. But my issues have nothing to do with you. My _issues_ have to do with me only wanting her."

"So you still want her?" Freddie shrugged, his throat dry.

"All I know is that I don't want anybody else. Again, that's my problem, not yours. I'm sorry." Kayla forced a smile and nodded, grabbing her jeans from Freddie's couch and shrugging them on. She grabbed her pocketbook as well and exited his front door without another word.

A month. That's all he had left to act as if he still had some pride.


	14. What She Thought She Knew

_"No, no, no! You're doing this all wrong!"_

"_Would you stop snapping at me? You're as new to this as I am!"_

"_It's supposed to be natural, buddy, so can you just chill out?" Freddie Bensen took a breath and sat upright in the middle of his bed, pulling his girlfriend up with him. She was still fully clothed, except for two buttons that he actually managed to maneuver in such a short time. Freddie raised his eyebrows, his nose touching her own._

"_Now, what am I doing wrong?" he gently backed his face away from hers to take in her expression. He had never seen her in such a shade of red and green, all at once. Sam drew a jagged breath._

_ "Right now? Nothing at all." Freddie nodded. _

"_Okay, so we are heading in the right direction, aren't we?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Sam?" he'd been afraid of this. He thought she had expressed some concerns with commitment, but as far as he knew, she had been fully committed to him for the past four years, just not in this way. Sam huffed._

"_Fine! They can't expect me to—I mean, how is this supposed to work? I don't want to cry, that's so embarrassing!" Freddie sighed, a sly smile forming at his lips._

_ "Since when have you ever cared about being embarrassed in front of me?" Sam played with her fingertips in silence for a bit._

"_I don't know. Ever since we came up with this grand idea, I guess." Freddie laughed, softly and nervously._

"_It's okay, Sam. I don't know what I'm doing, either."_

"_It's not even that. It's just—I don't know. It's gonna hurt, I'm gonna cry, and there we go. An insanely awkward moment."_

"_It won't be awkward, I promise. I love you and we'll… we can either take it slow tonight or try it some other time if you're uncomfortable." Sam shook her head, her blue eyes rising to meet Freddie's._

_ "No, believe me, I want you and I want you tonight. I've just never been this—vulnerable—before now. I mean, what if we hate it?"_

"_We won't."_

"_What if I suck?"_

"_You won't."_

"_What if you suck?"_

"_Let's not get carried away here!" Sam laughed, a taunting smile on her lips._

_ "Ha. I made you insecure. Now you know how it feels." Freddie blushed as he grabbed Sam's face in his hands._

_ "I love you. I always have and I always will. You're it, Sam. You're mine, I'm yours. Let's try this again and can you please not yell at me?" Sam smiled, blushing under Freddie's warm cheeks._

"_For you, I'll make that promise this one time." Freddie smiled, then pulled her back down with him._

And whenever Sam would wake up after such an event, she always knew that Freddie would be at her side.

Or at least that's what she thought she knew.


	15. To Have Loved and Lost

She could feel their eyes on the back of her head. Could any two people ever be more obvious? She huffed and continued writing the dates in her tiny little planner… all for Carly…

"Sam doesn't look right." Michael stated, swiping his hair out of his face and curled up next to Carly on the couch. Carly shrugged.

"She's getting better, though."

"No… it looks like she's getting worse. I mean, come on, she looks like a dead camel." Carly raised her eyebrows.

"And how does a dead camel look?"

"Malnourished. Have you been feeding her?"

"She's been eating… it's _sleeping _that's the problem." Michael raised his eyebrows.

"Yeo Sam?" Carly threw him a worried look. Michael had a way of blurting things out.

"Yeah, bro?"

"Why aren't you sleeping?" Sam turned herself around to face Michael and Carly.

"See? Here's a person who knows how to talk to someone to their face. You better follow his example, Carls." Carly rolled her eyes.

"I'm sure in time I will. You're avoiding the question."

"I'm not avoiding it. It's simple. I haven't been sleeping because I've been too busy working on your spectacular wedding." Michael snorted.

"Nice one."

"Shut up, it's the truth."

"We both know it ain't."

"Well maybe it's none of your business." Michael shrugged.

"Okay." Sam turned back to her work. Carly pinched him.

"You almost had her! I swear, once you start looking like a skater boy, you start acting like one, too!"

"She'll share when she wants to. Give her a break." Carly huffed and turned her attention back to Sam.

"So Sam, did you burn the CD I sent you?"

"Yeah. I removed a few songs, though. You would have had a really crappy wedding reception if I left all that Bon Jovi on. Ew."

"What? Why? That's classic rock and roll! Everybody loves rock and roll!"

"Yeah, well I hate it."

"Yeah, but it's my—wait a second!" Carly stopped mid-sentence, and Michael looked over at her.

"Are you okay?" Carly shook her head feverishly. She couldn't believe what her friend had just said.

"How many, Sam?"

"There were only six of them. Shouldn't you know? Didn't you make it? Unless Mikey loves all that Bon Jovi… that's creepy…"

"How many _guys_, Sam?" Michael's eyes widened. He was incredibly confused, and Sam was right along with him.

"Carls, what are you talking about?"

"Your lifestyle, apparently! Don't you remember? You said sex, drugs, rock and roll! You lied about _one_!"

"_Two!_ I lied about two!"

"So that just leaves sex and booze, doesn't it? How many guys?"

"Why is it your business?"

"How many?"

"I don't remember."

"How many?"

"I said I don't remember!"

"Well I say I don't believe you!" Sam turned around to face Carly once again. Her face was completely flushed.

"I _don't_ remember! I can guess, though, and that's probably around six or seven!"

"What?"

"It's no big deal, all right? If I needed some money, or a place to stay, or just something warm to feel, then it seemed like a good way to go."

Both Carly and Michael gaped, clearly not knowing what they had gotten themselves into. Carly's eyes welled with tears.

"You were a prostitute?" Sam's eyes widened.

"No, I was not! I didn't do anything I didn't want to, all right?"

"Why would you do that? You know you could have come to me! You _know _it!"

"It doesn't matter! It wasn't a big deal!"

"Of course it was! You don't just—give yourself to random strangers! You could have seriously put yourself in danger!"

"They weren't strangers! They were all associates by some sort, and I promise you that none of it hurt me, or made me a worse person like you think it did! Sex doesn't really matter at all."

"Of course it does! What about Freddie? You can't tell me it didn't matter with him!" Sam stood up, her face reddening by the second.

"Are you stupid? Of course it mattered with Freddie! He's the only _damn _person it ever mattered and ever _could_ matter with, and you have no idea how that makes me feel every day of my life so if I was you, I'd just shut the hell up!" And with that, Sam stormed out of Carly's apartment, slamming the door behind her. Michael shook his head.

"You _had _to go there."

"I couldn't just dismiss it."

"Why not? Didn't I tell you that she'd talk when she was ready?"

"Yeah, well, guess what? Three days until they face each other, and that's it. That's all they have, and she'll never be ready to face it until it explodes in both their faces."

Michael shook his head. Carly just didn't know what it was like to have loved and lost.

And both Sam and Freddie often thought it much better to have never loved at all.


	16. Stationed in a War Zone

Freddie just wanted to hop off of this goddamn plane. After four hours, he was losing his mind. He turned on the television screen on the seat ahead of him and started flipping through the channels. Out of boredom, he decided to leave it on _Wake Up, Chicago_!, which he quickly regretted.

"It's just shocking to me how a prodigy producer like Freddie Bensen could just give it all up for a woman. You got the money, you got the success, and you could get another girl, you know what I mean?"

"But _clearly_ he's going through what most psychiatrists would classify as depression. Kayla Harris even describes how angry he was with his work. He even _used _her to get over his depression. I tell you, this girl's got willpower, going off on her own and publishing this."

"The kid resigned, can you believe it? What good does that do him?"

"Yes, Kayla even reports that he claimed _bankruptcy. _Who knew that a lost love could ever take a man so far?"

Freddie groaned and changed the channel, only to hear his name once again, so he finally shut it back off. He couldn't believe what his life had become.

Never before had he been so publicized in every medium imagined possible. And why was he so fascinating? This was _his _life! No one else should care.

"And we are now stationed in the beautiful and sunny Seattle area… oh wait, it's just started to rain… well, at least we're on the ground, safe and sound! We hope you've enjoyed your flight and please remember to take all luggage with you."

Dizzy and disoriented, Freddie stepped off from the plane. He wasn't nearly as ready as he thought he would be.

He reached out for a cab after he had gotten completely drenched by the Seattle rain. How had he not remembered to bring an umbrella?

And so Freddie found himself standing outside the Bushwell Plaza, where all of their memories had started. He couldn't believe Carly still lived here, or how generous Spencer was to give her the apartment while he bought his own house for himself and his family. Freddie took a breath and entered the building.

"The Story of Freddie Bensen, it's all right here…" Freddie groaned, as there was now a small television in the corner of the lobby. Lewburt didn't even notice Freddie as he stalked upstairs.

He was just about to reach the third floor of the Bushwell Plaza when he heard a yell, accompanied by a door slam. Just as Freddie was working his way up, he saw the person he least expected to see at the moment, and he froze, not knowing what else to do. And once she saw him, she froze too with a face so red and tired that Freddie still couldn't believe it was her.

He couldn't help but study her, as he could see that she had lost an insane amount of weight since he had last seen her—or heck, since he had ever seen her. A t-shirt that looked to be a medium size draped heavily over her sides, melting away any form that she once had, and her jeans were held up by a single belt, which still didn't help the fact that she had become just skin and bones. Freddie felt his heart break all over again, but this time only because she had destroyed herself. He couldn't find himself to be angry with her anymore, but he couldn't speak to her either. His throat was so constricted and tight that he thought he might faint.

Sam's red face started to blend into a pale white. She didn't think it would be this bad. She imagined this moment millions of times, when she would walk right up to him, slap him, and tell him all about her new life. How she was spontaneous and liberated without him, how she was much better off without his whiny self, but she didn't have the courage lie. The only thing she seemed to have the courage to do was cry.

But she fought herself and held it in. She slowly made her way down the stairs.

"Your friend is waiting for you." She whispered, and continued to exit out of the building.

And so the flight attendant had stated that they were stationed in Seattle, but Freddie knew better.

Right now, he was stationed in a war zone.


	17. Progress

This was it. This was his last chance to run, but he couldn't let Carly down. He knocked on her apartment door three times, and was surprised when a tall young man opened the door with a dazed look on his face.

"Hi. This is where Carly Shay lives… isn't it?" the young man laughed, flashing a bright white smile against his tan skin.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm just crashing for today, bro. Are you Freddie Bensen?" Freddie nodded.

"Yeah, Carly's told me all about you. I'm Mike. I believe we _almost _met."

"Well, we're meeting now, aren't we?" Michael laughed even harder. Freddie's eyes widened. He never imagined that _this _would be the person Carly was going to marry. He always thought she liked more of the business type, but this guy seemed just the opposite.

"Yeah, I guess so, bro! You're a funny dude, come right on in." Freddie followed Michael into the apartment that he had always known. It appeared to be exactly the same.

"Carly's upstairs, she should be down soon. Can I tell you something… in all honesty?" Freddie nodded, hoping Michael wouldn't touch upon a personal topic.

"I know you're one of Carly's closest friends, and that's great. It's just… I'm not sure if I can like you." Michael seemed very serious now, which threw Freddie off-guard. Just a second ago, the guy was laughing like a loon with him.

"And why is that?" Michael grabbed a newspaper and tossed it on to Freddie's lap. Freddie frowned.

"What does this have to do anything?"

"Look, I met Sam a little before you guys ended it, and she's different now. I don't know what the hell you did to her, but I really have the urge to mess you up for it." Freddie looked up from the paper to look at Michael, who was glaring at Freddie with such intensity.

"Don't worry. I won't, because you're Carly's friend, but I know your not Sam's, and that's not cool."

"Well, what exactly did I do to her?" Michael continued to glare.

"Ask her. Maybe she'll tell you."

"She won't tell me shit! She won't talk to me!"

"Why not?"

"I don't know! Because _she _didn't want to marry _me_? Because _she's_ the one who's afraid of commitment? Because _she_ made promises over and over again that _she_ couldn't keep? Any of those are a'go! And _I'm_ the bad guy? Is that what you're telling me?"

Carly started to walk down the stairs, and Michael lessened his glare.

"Sorry, man. Let's just drop it, and thanks for coming."

"Freddie! I'm so, so, so, so, _so_ happy to see you!" Carly wrapped both her arms around Freddie, who hugged her back energetically.

"I'm glad _somebody's _happy to see me. I'm glad to see you too, Carly." Carly slowly backed away and frowned.

"You saw Sam? Where is she?"

"I don't know, I saw her going down the stairs while I was walking up." Carly's jaw dropped and she turned to glare at Michael.

"Sam _left?_"

"I didn't know! I was in the bathroom!" Freddie squinted.

"Are you sure? I heard her scream."

"Yeah, I heard that, too, but I didn't know what it was about! But I'm _guessing_ she read your fancy little article." Mike pointed to the article that was now at Freddie's side. Carly slowly picked it up and began to read it, her jaw dropping as Freddie was reddening in shame.

"It wasn't as bad as it sounds."

"_So now for the question everyone has been wondering: What makes a big-time producer turn to publishing a local newspaper? Simple. He looses the love of his life, and uses everyone else up because of it… including me. _What? Is this true?" Freddie groaned.

"I didn't _use_ her! It was just—I was lonely, she was lonely—it was a mutual feeling of patheticness!"

"So you _did _use her!"

"Maybe! I don't know!"

"_And after our little rendezvous, that's when he decides to tell me that he'll never want anybody else _but _her. That's right. In order for a broken man to feel good about himself, he had to break someone else._ That doesn't sound like a _maybe _to me!" Freddie huffed.

"I didn't know it meant that much to her, all right?"

"How could you not know?"

"Because we were both drunk out of our minds! And _she's_ the one who wanted to get drunk in the first place! Well… in all honesty, I did, too, I guess…" Carly rolled her eyes. She was evidently disappointed and angry with him.

"I can't believe you _or _Sam. You both go around _parading _yourselves _thinking_ that it'll make you better when really—!"

"Wait, wait, wait a second here! I never _paraded_ myself or whatever you just said! I'd only been with Kayla."

Carly froze in the middle of her pace to look at Freddie with surprised and wide eyes.

"Oh." She didn't want to say anything else, but Freddie knew her well. He started to glare.

"What are you hiding? Is it Sam? Why, what has she done?"

"Nothing! Why do you ask?" Michael slapped his hand to his forehead. Carly was never able to lie, and at this point Michael knew as well as Freddie that whenever Carly got jumpy, there was a lie sneaking around somewhere. Freddie sighed.

"I won't get mad. Just tell me." Carly sighed.

"You really wanna know?"

"Would I tell you to tell me if I didn't?"

"I thought you didn't care about Sam."

"Yeah well… you read that stupid article." Carly took a breath while Michael continued to shake his head at her. He really didn't think it was any of Freddie's business, but of course, she could hardly keep anything to herself.

"When Sam left, she… got around to get by." Freddie raised his eyebrows, his pulse quickening and slowing at the same time.

"What do you mean 'to get by'?"

"When she needed money… or a place to say…" Carly was thrown off by the mixture of expressions Freddie started to show. First he was hurt, then angry, and then just… hard. The hardest she had ever seen him.

"How often did she have to do that?"

"She said… around six or seven guys." Freddie wasn't looking at her, and she couldn't tell what the heck he was thinking.

"She said it didn't ruin her, though… she didn't do anything she didn't want to… it didn't matter."

"Of course it mattered."

"But Sam said…"

"Screw what she said. It mattered."

There was an awkward silence in the room. Out of the silence, the door twisted and all three of them turned intently to the door. Sam came walking in with a bouquet of flowers, forcing a smile on her face.

"Miss Shay, these are for you. It came with a card. 'Violets are purple, the sky is blue… Danget, Carly, congrats, can't wait to see you. Sincerely, Gibby.' What a nice kid."

Sam's voice was shaking as she read it, but that wasn't what gave her away. Since when had she ever considered Gibby to be a _nice kid_?

"Sam, you okay?" Sam looked towards Carly, and gave her a hard look in response.

"Dandy." Carly knew what that really meant was _didn't I tell you not to bring Freddie here?_

"Hi, Sam." Freddie croaked, but he felt it appropriate. He waved half-heartedly. Truth be told, he just wanted to hold her, but he knew he would never get the chance again. She turned a blank expression towards him, unsure of what to say or think.

"Hi." Sam responded, before slowly walking upward toward the stairs.

Once she was out of earshot, Carly nodded.

"That's progress."

Sure. Progress it was, but it wasn't anything else.


	18. The Death March

"Okay, so here's the deal: you run with me down the aisle, or _else_." Sam had Gibby held by his black tie and pulled it dramatically with her bony fingers. Gibby wiped the sweat off from his forehead.

"While I really don't want to find out what that _or else_ is, can you please be fair, Sam? I sprained my ankle."

"Wah, wah, wah! Don't be such a cry baby!"

"Sam, let Gibby go! Just—just walk down the aisle with—"

"I won't do it!"

"Please!"

"No!"

"But it's my wedding!"

"After everything I've done for you, you _really _want to do this to me?"

"Not _to _you! It's just—it's a thirty second march—"

"Yeah, a thirty second _death march_!"

"But it's my wedding!"

"And you look beautiful but I'm not doing it! Can't I just walk alone?"

"No, it's gonna be uneven!"

"But Carls!"

"Please!" Carly frowned at Sam, her brown puppy-dog eyes pleading with her. Carly _was _a stunning bride. Sam nodded, blinking back tears.

"Fine." Sam stalked to the middle pew of the church, her heart hammering faster and faster. He wasn't looking at her. He was looking straight ahead, and he didn't notice her until she laid a hand on his shoulder.

"You need to walk down the aisle with me." Sam's eyes were red and watering, her breath ragged and short. Freddie pretended not to notice.

"What?"

"I have to walk with an escort. Gibby was stupid and sprained his stupid ankle, so when we come up, you go to the left and I go to the right. It's that simple." Freddie blinked and stood up.

"Oh, okay." Freddie followed Sam to the back of the church. He noticed once again how skinny she was. Her ankles were incredibly thin, but she still looked beautiful to him. He wasn't ready to admit that, though.

Sam quickly ordered all the other bridesmaids and escorts to go to their places, and they did so quickly enough that Freddie was sure she had threatened them earlier if things hadn't gone well. She stood at the back and pointed to the empty space next to her, which Freddie quickly filled. He started to look around.

"Where's Carly?"

"She's with her dad in the back. They'll be coming out last."

"Oh, gotcha."

"Yep." There was a silence, but it was comfortable.

"So how've you been?" Freddie asked. This question actually sounded a lot less awkward in his head. As it seemed, the silence was better for the both of them. Sam didn't comment. She simply shrugged, which Freddie took as his cue to remain quiet.

"Forget what I said before. I made a mistake. If the two idiots in front of us make a left, then we both make a right. If they make a right, we make a left. Got it?"  
"Got it. Whatever you say." Silence again, but this time Freddie decided it was best to leave it alone. He felt calm, and he expected Sam to feel the same. He couldn't be more wrong.

Her heart was still beating like a never-ending drum line. She couldn't believe how dizzy she was, and she hated it. She hated feeling this way because it only reminded her of what she could never have again.

And so the wedding march, or as Sam referred to it, the death march, began and the pairs began to walk down the aisle one at a time. Carly emerged with her father from the back, and just as Freddie was about to turn around, Sam covered his eyes.

"Hey there, Mr. Shay."

"Hello there, Sam. Is that you, Freddie?"

"Yes, it's me. Hi, Mr. Shay."

"Wow, you've grown! It's so good to see you!"

"I wish I could say the same, Mr. Shay."

"Sorry, you can't see the bride before she walks down the aisle."

"I thought that was only for the groom?"

"He's right, Sam. He could see me."

"Can he really? Well that goes to show how much I really know about all this crap." Sam removed her hand from Freddie's eyes and his jaw dropped. He had never seen Carly that beautiful.

Carly smiled at him in her genuine fashion. Sam felt her heart plummet. Freddie hadn't looked at _her_ that way when he saw her tonight. He hadn't looked at her that way in a while, and he would never look at her that way again.

"You look great, Carly." Carly mumbled a thank you before Sam turned him back around. Their time was coming up.

And so they walked, slowly and in unison. The first thing Freddie noticed was his mother's glare and look of disdain from the middle pew. He snapped his head back to the direction of the altar.

"Right." Sam whispered, and Freddie walked to the right pew on Sam's command, with Sam sliding in next to him.

And lastly, Carly came walking up the aisle with her father next to her, ready to hand her away.

Sam couldn't help but look at Michael's face. She thought he would look petrified, as if he came to the conclusion that his life had ended, right here at this moment. But he didn't. He looked at Carly with a genuine love that Sam had never seen from him before. He seemed to believe that she was the only person in the church, that this moment was between only the two of them. And maybe that's because it was.

Michael was looking at Carly the same way that Freddie used to look at Sam. What did she think a ring would change? Would he have gotten insecure and irritated by her? Maybe that would have never happened. But Sam would never know that now. She read that article, and he deserved better than her. She knew it, and she was convinced that he knew it, too.

But what good was marriage anyway? How did it _change_ anything, and why didn't it work for so many people?

She didn't know the answer.

Sam was forced to read the same stupid reading that has always been read at every wedding. _Love is patient, love is kind, bladeedadeedada. _She was happy that throughout most of the mass, she was able to doze in and out… until the vows came. Ah, the vows.

Sam didn't listen to them. She didn't want to, because they were the most heartfelt words she had ever heard either of them speak. She didn't want to hear how they would be there for each other till _death do us part_. That just made her feel incredibly lonely.

And so she was relieved when the procession started to file out, until she remembered that she had to walk with Freddie once again. She stood in the back of the church, thanking people for their attendance, and then Gibby came over. Sam huffed.

"Don't talk to me if you're gonna betray me like that, Gibson." Gibby frowned.

"I didn't mean to, Sam. I _sprained_ my ankle."

"Yet you have just walked down the aisle and back." Gibby sighed.

"Carly made me do it. Don't yell at her. You and Freddie _did _look really good together, though."

"Shut up, Gibby." Gibby paused.

"So what are you doing? Once we get to the reception?" Sam sighed.

"Making a few crappy toasts, and then getting drunk out of my mind." Gibby raised his eyebrows.

"Would Carly like that?"

"Yeah, I've spent too much time trying to do what Carly wants. I give up."

And with that, Sam exited the church without another word.


	19. So Much for Closure

Sam had made up her mind already. One toast. That was it, and then she was going to do whatever the hell she wanted. Carly had the audacity to seat Sam with Freddie, and that was the final straw. But she was going to make this first and last toast as special as possible. _Damn _special.

Sam stood up and started to clink her spoon to her glass, and everyone else followed. She grabbed the microphone and cleared her throat.

"So… for those of you who don't know me, I'm Sam Puckett, Carly's Maid of Honor. I basically planned this whole thing and um… well, I'm just going to be honest as hell. Before today, I thought this whole thing was a load of crap. I thought marriage was something that two people only did when they started to feel insecure about their relationship, or if they were both virgins and wanted an excuse to finally fool around." There were scattered laughs and huffs. Sam shrugged and continued.

"True love is rare. It's really, really hard to find two people that love each other. I'm not just saying this, but Mikey and Carly have got it dead on. They proved me wrong today. I mean, God, before this whole thing, I half-expected Mike to run."

Michael's laugher erupted the whole dining hall. Carly smiled and rolled her eyes.

"But he didn't. He didn't show any signs of even wanting to run. He sees Carly for the beautiful person she truly is, and that's all anybody can really ask for." Sam withdrew a heavy breath. Carly knew it. Something was coming.

"Carls, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I haven't been as happy for you as I should have been. I just—I gave up, you know? Well, you don't know, but I gave up on everything. But just because I stopped believing in a man doesn't mean that you should, too. You should have this, and you should love it because Michael's gonna treat you right, just like he always has. I was stupid, I had a guy that I loved, and I blew it because I was scared. But don't you ever become the scared little girl that I became, Carls. It's not worth it. I'm lonely and I'm—let's face it, I'm a bitch! Most of these people in this room don't even like me, but you and Mike happen to like me because you both see the good in everything and everybody. Don't you two ever lose that." Sam choked on her tears. She knew she would have to get herself incredibly wasted after this, after everything she just admitted.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I only feel like a good person when I'm around you two. I love you guys. Have a great life together." She couldn't get back to her seat any faster. Carly started crying, and Michael turned a deep red. Not everybody clapped, but it meant a lot to Carly, and that's all that mattered to Sam.

She could feel Freddie staring at her. He wanted to say something. She could feel it. But it was better for the both of them if they just stayed quiet, so Sam walked straight up to the bar and asked for the most difficult drink that the bartender could possibly make.

When she came back to the table, she found a plate of food in front of her. Freddie didn't even acknowledge her, but he _was _the only person back with a dish of food. Sam sighed and downed her highly alcoholic beverage in three gulps before going up to get another glass.

Two of Carly's other bridesmaids were sitting at the table as well. They were glaring at Sam, as if only an unclassy woman would drink so much. Freddie rolled his eyes. "Don't you ladies have anything better to do?" they didn't respond, but resumed eating. Sam rolled her eyes.

"You don't have to defend me."

She jumped up from her seat with her glass and stomped over to the outdoor patio, closing the door behind her. Freddie sighed and headed towards the patio as well, taking her food with him.

He shut the door behind them and sat in the opposite seat. Sam refused to look at him. She continued to drink her beverage.

"You really should eat, Sam." He placed the food on her lap. She shrugged.

"I'm not hungry."

"Since when have you ever turned down food?"

"Since I stopped getting hungry." Freddie sighed.

"I'm sorry if things have been… rough for you."

"I'm doing just fine."

"No you're not." She didn't respond. "Things have been bad for me, too."

"So I've heard." Freddie huffed.

"It wasn't like everything that she wrote. She made it seem like I just took out my frustrations on her, and she wasn't that important."

"Well you slept with her, right?" Sam finally looked at him. She took a small sip of her drink before continuing. "And you talked to her about me, right?"

"Once."

"Once?"

"Okay, twice."

"You slept with her twice?

"No, I talked about you twice, slept with her once." Sam nodded.

"So everything you told her about me was in that article?" Freddie sighed. There was no way he was going to win this.

"No. I told her more."

"Such as?"

"I told her about… the time that I proposed. But of course, she didn't include that. That wouldn't include anything about her being a _victim_." Sam snorted.

"She sounded like a whiny, self-centered bitch." Freddie laughed, too.

"Yeah, she pretty much was." Sam raised her eyebrows.

"So why'd you screw her?" Freddie frowned.

"Didn't you read that?"

"I don't trust whiny bitches." Freddie laughed again, but soon became very solemn.

"I don't know. I guess I just wanted to see if I could enjoy it."

"Did you?" Freddie shook his head.

"Nope. I mean, things _felt _good, but they weren't."

"Yeah, I get it." Freddie frowned.

"So what about you?" Sam appeared very distant. Her expression at the moment was blank.

"What about me?"

"Guys. Have you been with people?" Sam froze, but eventually shrugged.

"I don't remember." Freddie raised his eyebrows.

"How could you not remember?" Sam shrugged again.

"I was drunk most of the time."

"Sam, just tell me." Her eyes started to shift and falter. She took a large breath.

"I slept with whoever would wear a condom and pay for my rent." Freddie closed his eyes. He couldn't believe the distance in her voice. And to think that _he _caused that.

"You should have stayed with me." Sam huffed, anger finally coming into her voice.

"How could I? You stopped loving me."

"No I didn't! I woke up one day and you were _gone_!"

"Well I woke up one day and you were gone, too!" the words stung him. Sam's face was flushed, and he felt his heart sinking deeper and deeper. He knew she must have been right.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I really am, Sam, but you hurt me, too. I mean, come on! Didn't I do enough? I tried! I know I tried to give you as much love as you wanted and as much as you deserved, and I'm sorry if it wasn't enough to make you want to marry me."

"That's the thing! That's what you didn't understand! It had _nothing _to do with you! I just didn't want to get married at all. That's it."

"But it had everything to do with me! My God, Sam, when you said jump, I jumped! When you said 'let's stop visiting your stupid mother', we did! And when you asked me to stay home instead of shoot that million-dollar film in Panama, I did that, too! I made a lot of sacrifices for you and I don't know what more I was supposed to do to show you how great we could have been _married_!"

"I only asked for those things because I thought they would be better for you. Your mom always got you pissed and if you went to Panama, you would have missed other opportunities in California."

"But you never told me that. And do you see how great we were as a team? Do you understand now?" Sam took a deep breath, almost about to respond when Michael's brother Tom slid the door open.

"Just wanted to let you guys know, we're cutting the cake now."

Sam sighed and sped through the door as fast as she could.


	20. Better Off

_He opened his eyes, ready to feel the emptiness in his stomach again. But it was more than just emptiness. She wasn't there. He immediately jumped up, his heart hammering, and started to look around the apartment. She lied down with him last night. She was there. He knew she was there._

"_Sam?" he called, but there was no response. He looked through the bathroom, the kitchen, the living room, everywhere. But she wasn't around. He checked his phone. He looked around for a note. Nothing. He suddenly felt sick. What if something had seriously gone wrong?_

_ He called her cell phone, and she didn't pick up. He grabbed his jacket and closed the door behind him, ready to drive to her apartment. Once he arrived in front of the building, he hurried up the stairs, pulled out his key to her apartment, and opened the door. He scrambled throughout the entire place. She was nowhere to be found. _

_ He quickly grabbed his phone from his pocket._

"_Freddie?"_

"_Carly, have you heard from Sam?" _

"_Yesterday. Not today. Why?" Freddie couldn't stop his panting. He started to get nauseas._

"_She's gone."_

"_Gone?"_

"_I can't find her anywhere! I woke up and she was—gone! She's not at her place, she's not at my place, I've tried to call her and she hasn't picked up… she would have told me, wouldn't she, if she was going somewhere?"_

"_I don't know, Freddie! I'll keep trying!" Freddie hung up the phone, not sure what to do._

_ He took a breath and drove back to his own apartment. He opened every single drawer in such a hurry that he actually tore out a couple. He finally found a note below the kitchen sink, and nervously skimmed it over. It was Sam._

_Listen. I can't give you what you want, nor do I want to give you what you want, so I'm out. Don't look for me. It's done with. _

_Goodbye._

Maybe if she just admitted that she still loved him, he would have looked for her. He would have saved her.But she didn't, so he figured she was better off.

He was wrong.


	21. And Then There Were Two

Carly was now in her casual apparel, back at the apartment packing with Sam in silence. Carly wasn't going to let Sam bring her down, not if she could help it.

"I mean, it's not like I did anything bad. I just want you guys to be happy." Carly frowned at her friend, hoping for forgiveness. Sam sighed.

"You could have told me you were letting him stay here." Carly shrugged.

"Sorry."

"I think we've got everything you need. Oh, wait!" Sam dug into her dresser, took out a small blue bag, and handed Carly the product she'd thought she'd need most. Carly's eyes widened.

"Why do you have those?" Sam rolled her eyes. She didn't blame Carly for assuming, but at the same time Sam made sure to tell Carly everything about her life at this point.

"Relax. I got them for you, dummy. You don't want to get pregnant after being married for a day, do you? People can think all they want about me, but they're not thinking anything about you. Not when you've done things right." Carly half-smiled, saddened by Sam's logic but happy that she wasn't too angry.

"Thanks." Carly took the package, blushing as she did so, and tucked it away in her suitcase. Sam smiled, feeling accomplished.

"All right, let's haul these babies down!"

"Need help?" Freddie arrived in the doorway of Carly and Sam's bedroom, looking apprehensive. Carly nodded.

"Help is always appreciated." Sam almost felt so familiar standing with the three of them in Carly's apartment that she almost gave a snippy retort.

_Help is appreciated. Just not from Freddie._ And he would glare and she would be satisfied, just like old times.

Sam held tightly onto Carly's largest piece of luggage. She dared Freddie to question her strength, but he didn't and settled for Carly's carry-on.

Once they brought the luggage down the stairs, Carly beamed at them in a way Sam had never seen before.

"Can you believe I'm not even nervous? Not one bit!" Freddie smiled and nodded.

"Good for you." Sam nodded.

"Yeah, you'll be happy with Mike." Carly smiled in agreement and took her luggage in both hands, slowly exiting her apartment and motioning Sam to follow her. When they were both out of Freddie's earshot, Carly blushed and looked down at the floor.

"If you and Freddie happen to… _make up_, just don't do so on my bed… or my couch… or my floor…" Sam rolled her eyes, laughing as she did so.

"Yeah, not gonna happen Carls, but even if it did, that's what you'd get for trying to meddle with pots that aren't yours." Carly seemed confused, so Sam huffed and translated.

"In other words, you should've minded your own beeswax." Carly laughed softly.

"Just give me a hug and I'll pretend you're not serious." So Sam hugged her one last time before she went off with her new life.

"Freddie, come out here! Say goodbye to me, won't you?" Freddie rushed to hug her as his final goodbye, not knowing when he'd see her next.

"Have a safe flight home tomorrow, Freddie."

"Yeah, and you have a safe flight to Florida." Carly pulled away and waved one last time before turning down the stairs.

And then there were two.


	22. Flash Back

The silence was awful. Freddie thought they had finally gotten somewhere, but they hadn't. Obviously, Sam wasn't going to surrender. He looked over at her once again, and saw the thinning face he used to recognize. He couldn't take it anymore. He couldn't believe _he _had done this to her. And apparently he thought he loved her as best he could. Huh.

Sam was trying too hard to seem fascinated by the television, but she must have wanted to communicate somehow, otherwise she wouldn't be sitting with him right now. Freddie took a breath.

"Is this… okay for you? The show? Do you want me to change it?" Sam jumped, startled by the sudden dialogue, but looked at Freddie and shrugged.

"I'm fine, but if you want to change it…"

"I'll do whatever you want."

"Well I'm fine."

"Okay then."

But she wasn't fine. He wasn't fine. Neither of them were fine. They were spending a full night together, and there was no way he was just going to let it pass them both.

"Sam, I don't care anymore." Freddie sighed, and Sam turned to look at him, her expression blank.

"I already knew that." Freddie sighed once again and stood up, starting to pace.

"No, I mean… I'll do whatever you want. I can't go back to the way it was, and I don't think you can, either, so let's just… forget it ever happened, okay? Let's just be together. Marriage doesn't mean shit to me if it doesn't involve you, so I'm willing to put that aside and just go back to the way things used to be. I don't need the ring, or the kids. I just need you." Now Freddie was looking directly at her, and Sam was taken aback. She didn't expect this. She always imagined this, but she never expected it, nor did she ever expect to feel the way she felt.

"You would give that all up for me?"

"God, Sam, I'm not giving anything up, all right? I gave up everything I had when I lost you, and it was over something so trivial and so stupid and I'm sorry I didn't see it that way then! I'm sorry, all right? I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry for all the things I said, or didn't say… I'm just really, really sorry!" Sam took a large breath, tears welling up behind her eyes.

"You don't know what you're saying. I did things—when I wasn't with you—_horrible _things…"

"Because of me!"

"And you deserve better, Freddie! You deserve better than this!" Freddie dropped to his knees and grabbed Sam's face in his hands. He didn't think he had ever seen her so red.

"This? I deserve better than this? Let me tell you a little bit about _my_ life for the past two years! I got up, went to the gym, ate some bland, boring, tasteless shit, and listened to Carly talk about how she couldn't find you, or how she thought you were dead. And I worried every second of my life about you, wondering the same things. I started taking these stupid anti-depressants and seeing this dumb psychiatrist that didn't even help. But then Carly was able to reach you, and I felt alone. Completely alone, so I ate some more shitty food and upped my shitty pill dosage and was sure I would never get off them—that is, until I heard your voice. You hated me, and I could feel it, but I _knew _you were okay! I knew you'd be okay, so that just made every day a little more durable, but none of them were any brighter. I still didn't think there was a purpose for my existence, and I still don't. Not without you, married or not, Sam."

Sam couldn't stop herself from crying. She had never been more scared in her life.

"But what if you change your mind again? What if you hate me again?"

"I won't change this time! I can't live like this anymore and you can't either! It's killing me to see how much I hurt you!" Sam opened her mouth to speak a few times, but failed. The tears kept interrupting her. Freddie brought her face closer to his.

"Sam, what if we try this again?" She took all of his strength, his power, his pride. He had nothing else to loose.

But she did. She had just one more thing to give and one more thing to sacrifice. Her pride and her fear. They were the biggest vices she had, and they held her down. She withdrew a breath, and with it, attempted to uplift the burden.

"Freddie?" she whispered. His heart beat slower and faster at the same time.

"Yeah, Sam?"

"Yes." He didn't want to assume anything, just in case he had a reason to become depressed again.

"Yes, what, Sam?"

"Yes, I'll marry you." Now that wasn't what he was expecting. He shook his head.

"That's not what I'm asking."

"No, but that's what I should have said when you asked the first time." Freddie started to shake, and he could feel Sam tremble underneath his hands.

"But do you want that?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?" Sam took another breath.

"We're not our parents. We can make our own mistakes, but this won't be it. I can feel it."

Freddie smiled, and Sam forced her lips onto his with full effort. They both felt themselves becoming whole again.

Both of them surrendered. Both of them won. But in order to move forward, they couldn't flash back anymore.

***A/N: Thank you so much for all of your reviews and support! I hope you liked the ending! =)**


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